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Tomokoさんのレッスン
Please write an essay that needs to be corrected.

My ex-boss believes working for long time is the best solution to improve business.
The Japanese business persons like him are not uncommon.
I am good at finishing all tasks on time, but he thought me negligent.
So he had continued making me work at night, but it was illegal.
Finally, I felt he might kill me by unhealty working style, I told everything to HR.
Therefore, he escaped to hospital for two months, and after coming back to business he moved to another section.
The company couldn't punish employees who are ill.
So, he is still an employee.

自然な表現

My ex-boss believes working for a long time is the best solution to improve business.
      Japanese business persons like him are not uncommon.
I am good at finishing all tasks on time, but he thought me negligent.
So he     continued making me work at night, but it was illegal.
Finally, I felt he might kill me because unhealthy working style, so I told everything to HR.
Therefore, he escaped to the hospital for two months, and after coming back to business he moved to another section.
The company can't punish employees who have been ill.
So, he is still an employee.

1. You are missing an article. “a” and “an” are different forms of the same word, the indefinite article that often precedes a noun. “a” is used before a noun that starts with a consonant sound (e.g., “s,” “t,” “v”).
2. Typically, proper nouns, indefinite mass nouns, and indefinite plural count nouns are not accompanied by an article. Similarly, articles are generally omitted when referring to means of transport (by plane) or common expressions of time and place (at midnight, in jail).
3. It is an unnecessary verb.
4. You are giving a reason. Use the conjunction, "because."
5. It is a spelling error.
6. It sounds like an incomplete sentence. It is missing a conjunction.
7. Including a specific article in your writing holds great significance. The presence of "the" is crucial when referring to something specific, be it an object, person, type of object or person, or a particular quality of an object or person. Neglecting to include it can pose challenges in discussing a specific object or person unless you resort to using words like "this," "that," or a proper noun.
8&9. The practice is still occurring, so the present tense is the best fit.
I'm glad that you decided to face the situation before it gets serious. Do you always care to have a work-life balance? If you have more to add to your essay, feel free to continue your writing.

Of course, I always care to have a work-life balance.
Some studies showed that overworking lower productivity.
Additionally, many scientists said that sitting for a long time kills people.
My ex-boss is diabetic and he also has some trouble in his liver.
I mean the business people who overwork are definitely unhealthy.

I think people have liberty to work until midnight every day if they want, but nobody has right to make others work longer than the hours defined by labor contracts.

It is a violation of human rights!

自然な表現

Of course, I always care to have a work-life balance.
Some studies showed that overworking lowers productivity.
Additionally, many scientists say that sitting for a long time kills people.
My ex-boss is diabetic and he also has some trouble in his liver.
I mean the business people who overwork are definitely unhealthy.

I think people have the liberty to work until midnight every day if they want, but nobody has the right to make others work longer than the hours defined by labor contracts.

It is a violation of human rights!

1. Subject-verb disagreement is a frequent error in writing, occurring when the verb conjugation does not align with the subject's point of view (first, second, or third) and number (singular or plural).
2. "Say" is used in the present tense when referring to general or habitual speech. For example: "I always say hello to my neighbors.""She says that it's going to rain tomorrow." "Said" is the past tense of "say" and is used to report or describe speech or thoughts in the past.
3&4. Including a specific article in your writing holds great significance. The presence of "the" is crucial when referring to something specific, be it an object, person, type of object or person, or a particular quality of an object or person. Neglecting to include it can pose challenges in discussing a specific object or person unless you resort to using words like "this," "that," or a proper noun.
I totally agree with your valid point. How many hours a day do you usually work, and how do you spend the rest of the day?

I usually work eight hours a day.
After work, I go to a dance studio, go to theatre to watch live performance, and spend time with my family, etc.

自然な表現

I usually work eight hours a day.
After work, I go to a dance studio, go to a theatre to watch live performances, and spend time with my family, etc.

1. You are missing an article. “a” and “an” are different forms of the same word, the indefinite article that often precedes a noun. “a” is used before a noun that starts with a consonant sound (e.g., “s,” “t,” “v”).
2. Please utilize the indefinite article "a" or employ the plural form.

関連単語

  • expression （表現）
  • touch up （修正）
  • proofreading（校正、訂正）
  • grammar（文法）
  • preposition （前置詞）

関連フレーズ

  • What would be the best expression to use for this occasion?（このような場合、どのような表現が最適でしょうか？）
  • I would like you to especially check that document that I have attached.（特に、添付した資料を確認していただきたい。）
  • Would you tell me what thesaurus I should use for　〜 Would you tell me what phrases I could use at my work to sound more professional when speaking to clients?（仕事で、顧客とよりプロフェッショナルに話すようにするため、どのような言い回し表現を使えば良いでしょうか。）
  • What would be a more natural expression for sentence number one?（最初の文をより自然な表現で書くとどのようになりますか？）
  • Please tell me what I should pay close attention to when I write an essay.（小論文を書くときに注意すべきことを教えてください。）

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