Original

支払方法は安全で確実なものであると説明してみよう

Talking about your payment method
あなたは顧客と話しています。支払方法が安全で確実なものであると納得させるところです。
最近、個人の経済的な安全となると人々は緊張状態にあります。ハッカーはより一層個人情報を盗もうと挑戦しています。あなたが使える最善のセキュリティーシステムをインストールして顧客の情報が安全だということを確実にしましょう。それができないのであれば、現金主義にすることが最善の方法です。
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I'm worried about the payment method.
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作成したスクリプトは講師により添削されます。
I'm worried about the payment method.

What point are you worried about?
Our online payment system is totally secure. We use SSL as the communication method, which protects our communication from outsiders. And, the login page uses "https" not "http", which is also secure. Is there anything which makes you worried?

自然な表現

What point are you worried about?
Our online payment system is totally secure. We use SSL as the communication method, which protects our communication from outsiders. And, the login page uses "https," not "http," which is also secure. Is there anything which makes you worried?

1. It appears that you are missing a comma with the negative appositive "not "http, which is also secure." Consider adding the comma.
2. One of your quotation marks may be in the wrong place. Consider moving the quotation mark.
Well, I've recently been a victim of identity theft, so I wouldn't want that happening again. By the way, do I just have to link my credit card, or how exactly does it work?

Oh, I totally understand you. No worries. You have to link your credit card to make it possible for you to pay online. It works exactly.

自然な表現

Oh, I totally understand you. No worries. You have to link your credit card to make it possible for you to pay online. It works perfectly.

1. The word "exactly" does not work here.
Okay, will I get a confirmation e-mail or a text message to my phone? How will I know whether the transaction was a success?

That depends. If you use your credit card online, you will have to enter your pin on almost all websites. And if you pass the certification, that means the transaction got succeeded. However, some services, such as payment procedure to abroad, will send you an email when the transaction got succeeded.

自然な表現

That depends. If you use your credit card online, you will have to enter your pin on almost all websites. And if you pass the certification, that means the transaction  succeeded. However, some services, such as payment procedures abroad, will send you an email when the sale gets through.

1. You have a repetitive past form.
2. There is more than one. The preposition does not apply here.
3. It is another way you could have said it.
Okay, I understand how it works now. You've been very helpful. By the way, if I want to disconnect my credit card from the account, how could I do that?

You have to cancel your contract. First visit the website for the cancellation.The second, fill out all forms. And the last, confirm them and submit it. Have you got it?

自然な表現

You have to cancel your contract. First, visit the website for the cancellation. Second, fill out all forms. And lastly, confirm and submit. Have you got it?

1. It is an introduction.
2. The article is redundant here. In general, no article is used with proper nouns, mass nouns where the reference is indefinite, or plural count nouns where the reference is indefinite.
3. The adverbial form works better in this context.
4. I have introduced a less wordy expression.
Well, I want to do it after I make the purchase. Now I know how to do it. I'm paranoid about staying logged in with a connected credit card, so I only do it temporarily.

I totally agree with you. Such an action will reduce the risk that your private information will be leaked. However, we can't avoid the risk completely, and we need you to accept the fact with a contract.

自然な表現

I totally agree with you. Such  action will reduce the risk of your private information being leaked. However, we can't avoid the risk completely, and we need you to accept the fact with a contract.

Good work.
1. In general, no article is used with proper nouns, mass nouns where the reference is indefinite, or plural count nouns where the reference is indefinite.
2&3. It seems you use too many words to get to the point.
  • bonded(担保付きの、保証付きの)
  • insured(被保険者、保険契約者)
  • bona fide(善良な、誠実な)
  • breach(破棄、不履行)
  • secure(確実な)
  • encode(記号化する)
  • remittance(送金(方法)、送金金額)
  • electronic(電子通信の)
  • wire((名)電信、(動)~に配線する)
  • transfer((名)移動、(動)移動[転移]する)
  • There has never been a breach in our security measures.(私たちの安全対策に侵害が起きたことはありません。)
  • We only deal with bona fide companies.(弊社は善良な会社だけを扱っています。)
  • online money transfer(電信送金)
  • We have built in redundancies in our security system.(私の安全制度には冗長性を持っています。)
  • Our company is bonded.(私たちの会社は担保付きです。)
  • electronic funds transfer (EFT)(電子的資金移動)
  • The transfer of funds is highly secure.(資金移動はとても安全性が高いです。)
  • encoded for security and privacy(セキュリティとプライバシーの記号化)
  • wiring money(送金)

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  • ビジネス
  • 上級
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  • 部門:営業