上司に提案書のチェックをお願いしよう

Asking your boss to review a document
あなたは提案書の作成が終了したので、上司にチェックをお願いするところです。
上司に用意した提案書を見てもらうとき、公正な評価をしてもらいましょう。間違っているところはしっかりと訂正してもらい、今回良かった点は次回にも生かしましょう。
What can I do for you?
 
このレッスンを始める
Writingレッスンの例
Best Teacherで実際に行われている直近のWritingレッスンです。
作成したスクリプトは講師により添削されます。
What can I do for you?

I prepared the proposal for EEE company. Could you please check and give me some advice?
Background&Role
EEE, a leading global provider of data center campuses, is currently discussing to reach an agreement to form a JV to develop a data center in Higashikurume.
EEE has developed data centers in major cities around the world and is currently constructing its first data center campus in Osaka, Japan, expected completion scheduled for May 2024.
To be continued.

自然な表現

I prepared the proposal for EEE company. Could you please check and give me some advice?
Background&Role
EEE, a leading global provider of data center campuses, is currently discussing reaching an agreement to form a JV to develop a data center in Higashikurume.
EEE has developed data centers in major cities around the world and is currently constructing its first data center campus in Osaka, Japan, with expected completion scheduled for May 2024.
To be continued.

1. The phrase "to reach" doesn't work well with the verb form "discussing." That's why "discussing" is needed instead.
2. The preposition was missing in this sentence, so we needed to add "with."
Thank you for this brief introduction. Feel free to explain further the information about this project.

EEE, together with its JV partner, intends to ensure that the data center development in Higashikurume will evolve the data center design in a novel way, improving its economics, flexibility, reliability, efficiency, and sustainability to enable rapid expansion in response to market demands.
SFC will be able to contribute EEE by providing effective solutions through various management services in the data center construction project to achieve the above objectives of the EEE JV.
To be continued.

自然な表現

EEE, together with its JV partner, intends to ensure that the data center development in Higashikurume will evolve the data center design in a novel way, improving its economics, flexibility, reliability, efficiency, and sustainability to enable rapid expansion in response to market demands.
SFC will be able to contribute to EEE by providing effective solutions through various management services in the data center construction project to achieve the above objectives of the EEE JV.
To be continued.

1. The preposition is usually used with the verb form "contribute." That's why we needed to add "to."
It sounds like big foot forward for all concerned. Please elaborate further the benefits and how it will proceed.

In particular, we focus on the cost management services and optional project management services that may be effective in this context.

自然な表現

In particular, we focus on the cost management services and optional project management services that may be effective in this context.

1. This sentence is correct. You can also use the word "useful" here.
  • correct(正確な)
  • examine(観察する、調べる)
  • sift(調査する、検査する)
  • analyze(分析する)
  • probe((名)調査、(動)探る、調べる)
  • inspection(視察)
  • study(調査、研究)
  • peruse(詳細に調べる)
  • scrutinize(精査する)
  • scan((名)スキャン、見渡すこと、(動)~を精査する)
  • Did you find any errors in the document after inspecting it?(この書類をよく読んで、何か間違いはありましたか?)
  • Will you scrutinize every word, or just scan the document?(一言一句注意深く見ましたか、それともざっと見た感じですか?)
  • I need to look over the document for any errors before submitting it.(その書類を提出する前に、いくつか誤りを修正しなければなりません。)
  • Do you have any comments after checking out the document?(資料をご覧になって、何かご意見はありませんか?)
  • Can you review this document and make any revisions?(この書類をよく見て改正していただけますか?)
  • Can you please review this draft before I formally submit it?(このドラフトを正式に提出する前に、確認していただけますか?)
  • Can you peruse this document?(この書類を細かく見ていただけますか?)
  • I would appreciate it if you could examine this document.(この資料を見ていただければ幸いです。)
  • Do you need to look through this document before I send it?(この書類を送る前に目を通しますか?)
  • I heard that you need to carefully look over the entire document today.(今日はその書類にじっくり取り込むそうですね。)

こんな方にオススメ

  • ビジネス
  • 初級
  • 内定者研修
  • 新入社員研修
  • 報告・連絡・相談
  • 社内業務