Original

自分の部署の仕事を説明してみよう

Describing your department
自分の部署の業務内容は勿論のこと、その部署のカラーやどのような人達が働いていて、どのような雰囲気なのかを伝えることが出来ると会話も弾むことでしょう。
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What department do you work in? What do you do there?
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Best Teacherで実際に行われている直近のWritingレッスンです。
作成したスクリプトは講師により添削されます。
What department do you work in? What do you do there?

I'm working in a department that manages financial affairs of the company. First,we account cost of productions. It is Important for the manufacturing company to know how much their commodities cost. Second, in order to know finantial condition of the company, we are collecting and organizing the data. As for me, I have just stated working here. So,I am only doing chores in the office.

自然な表現

I'm working in a department that manages the financial affairs of the company. First, we account for the cost of production. It is important for the manufacturing company to know how much their commodities cost. Second, in order to know the financial condition of the company, we are collecting and organizing the data. As for me, I have just started working here. So, I am only doing chores in the office.

1,3&6. Add a definite article when referring to something specific.
2. Add the preposition to indicate purpose.
4. Remove ``s`` to fix the sentence agreement mistake.
5. Do not use a capital letter in the middle of a sentence unless when referring to proper nouns.
7&8. Use the correct spelling.
Oh, I see. So, what can you say about those tasks that you will surely do in the near future? What kind of chores do you do in particular?

I think that the task calculating production cost is hard, because people who are in charge of this task look very busy. In regard to the task that collecting and organizing data, It is probably not busy. However, It seems a little boring for me because it is basically repetition of same process. Specifically, they record same accounting data every month. About me, I often search for a mistake in expenditure data.

自然な表現

I think that the task of calculating production costs is hard  because the people who are in charge of this task are always busy. In regard to the task that collecting and organizing data, it is probably not busy. However, It seems a little boring for me because it is basically a repetition of the same process. Specifically, they record the same accounting data every month. As for me, I often search for a mistake in expenditure data.

1. Add the missing preposition.
2. Add ``s` to fix the sentence agreement mistake.
3. Because is a subordinating conjunction, which means that it connects a subordinate clause to an independent clause thus, there should be no comma between these two clauses.
4,8&9. Add a definite article when referring to something specific.
5&10. This is a better way of expressing your point.
6. Do not use a capital letter in the middle of a sentence unless when referring to proper nouns.
7. Add an indefinite article when referring to something in general.
How do you think they can enrich your job for it to be more exciting for you? How long have you been in this department?

I think that it will be more exciting for me when I understand whole company circumstances deeply. I have been in this department for an half year.

自然な表現

I think that it will be more exciting for me when I understand the whole company's circumstances deeply. I have been in this department for half a year.

1. Add a definite article when referring to something specific.
2. Change the noun form.
3. This is the natural phrase to use.
You make a good point there, maybe if you work more departments your job will be more exciting.Do you think you will work there for long?

I think that I will work in this department long time,because there are little internal transfer in my company.

自然な表現

I think that I will work in this department long time because internal transfers rarely happen in my company.

1. I suppose this is what you wanted to say, rephrase your sentence to express your point better.
Thank you for sharing this information with me. What are the chances of promotion within your company?

Age of employees are most important factor for promotion in my company. Generally speaking, as you know, traditional Japanese companies adopts this principles.

自然な表現

The age of employees is the most important factor for promotion in my company. Generally speaking, as you know, traditional Japanese companies adopt this principle.

1&3. Add a definite article when referring to something specific.
2. Change the verb form.
4. Remove ``s`` to fix the sentence agreement mistake.
5. Use this with singular nouns(principle) and these with plural nouns(principles).
  • subsidiaries(小会社等(複数形))
  • summarize(まとめる)
  • Welfare(厚生)
  • clinical trial data(臨床試験データ)
  • uncommon(珍しい)
  • third party(サードパーティ、他社のOSや機器などに対応する製品を作っているメーカーのこと)
  • production control department(生産管理部門)
  • stock control(在庫管理)
  • account executive((広告業などの)顧客主任、営業)
  • Which department do you belong to?(どの部署に属していますか?)
  • I am with the internal auditing department.(私は内部監査部門に所属しています。)
  • It's important to take charge of one's life instead of making excuses.(言い訳するのではなく、自分の人生を自分で切り開いていくことが大切だと思います。)
  • A necessary skill when proof reading is an attention to detail.(校正に必要なスキルは、細部へのこだわりです。)
  • In her new position, she will be responsible for the entire sales division.(新職では、販売部門全体の責任者となります。)
  • This new job will require me to take on more responsibilities.(この新しい仕事では、より多くの責任を負わなければなりません。)
  • I need to make sure that all of my tasks are completed before I go on my extended vacation.(長期休暇に入る前に、すべてのタスクが完了していることを確認する必要があります。)
  • I'm stuck inside my office all day.(私は一日中オフィスに閉じこもっています。)
  • I can't survive without holidays.(休日がないと生きていけません。)

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