Original

英語エッセイを添削してもらおう

Let's write an essay
英語のエッセイを添削してもらいましょう。
会話の添削だけではなく、エッセイの添削もしてほしい生徒様にぴったりのレッスンです。
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Please write an essay that needs to be corrected.
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Writingレッスンの例
Best Teacherで実際に行われている直近のWritingレッスンです。
作成したスクリプトは講師により添削されます。
Please write an essay that needs to be corrected.

I'm going to write an essay about global warming.
I believe that the world should do more to save the world from global warming.
First, the government isn't controlling people correctly, and they are not doing something to make people recycle more and not dispose garbage on the road. I frequently see some people who dispose their garbage on the road, and I see the same garbage there for a very long time. I think that the government should make people recycle all of their garbage, and not throw them out, because I believe that we should protect nature.

自然な表現

I'm going to write an essay about global warming.
I believe that the world should do more to save the world from global warming.
First, the government isn't controlling people correctly, and they are not doing something to make people recycle more and not dispose of garbage on the road. I frequently see some people who dispose of their garbage on the road, and I see the same garbage there for a very long time. I think that the government should make people recycle all of their garbage, and not throw them out, because I believe that we should protect nature.

1. 'Dispose of' is a phrasal verb that means to get rid of someone or something that you do not want or cannot keep.
I am so happy that you have decided to write about this topic. I am very passionate about global warming. Please continue.

Okay.
Secondly, I have read a book called "World Without Fish." It said that all of the fish are going more to colder places, and are starting to go away from ordinary seas. The reason said was that fish like cold water, and because of global warming, fish can't live in the ordinary seas, because it's too hot for them. I think this will cause a lot of problems because first, Japanese and other countries that eat fish can't anymore. It can change that country's culture.
In conclusion, I believe that the world should do more to save the environment.

自然な表現

Okay.
Secondly, I have read a book called "World Without Fish." It said that all of the fish are going more to colder places, and are starting to go away from ordinary seas. The reason was that fish like cold water, and because of global warming, fish can't live in ordinary seas, because it's too hot for them. I think this will cause a lot of problems because first, Japan and other countries that eat fish can't anymore. It can change that country's culture.
In conclusion, I believe that the world should do more to save the environment.

1. The word 'said' is not necessary in this context.
2. It appears that the article the is unnecessary in this context. Using ‘the’ indicates that you’re talking about something specific or familiar. Don’t use ‘the’ with generic or abstract ideas like justice or creativity. You also shouldn’t use ‘the’ before pronouns like my, your or their. Many proper nouns, such as personal names or place names, don’t require ‘the’.
3. You need to use the noun form 'Japanese' in this sentence.
You are making some amazing points. I am very eager to hear more what you have to say. Please continue with your essay.

Well, I don't really have anything more to say, but I will say that the government should say something to the citizens more about global warming, because people don't try to stop throwing garbage away. It's very bad to the environment than they think.

自然な表現

Well, I don't really have anything more to say, but I will say that the government should say something to the citizens more about global warming because people don't try to stop throwing garbage away. It's very bad for the environment than they think.

1. It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker. Consider removing the comma. A complex sentence includes one independent clause and at least one dependent clause. When the dependent clause comes first, it is an introductory clause followed by a comma. When it follows the independent clause, no comma is needed. A dependent marker word such as after, as if, because, even though, since, unless or when.
2. It appears that there is a missing preposition. Prepositions are function words that indicate how a noun or noun phrase relates to the rest of the sentence. Some prepositions, such as in, on, after, or since, express temporal or spatial relationships. In other cases, the relationship is more abstract and the best preposition to use may depend on the words around it. These are known as ‘dependent prepositions’, and they do not follow any clear pattern. Choose prepositions carefully because sometimes changing a preposition can completely change the meaning of the phrase. A good dictionary will provide guidance on which preposition to use with which words.
Yes, I agree that there should be a great emphasis on this issue. What are some ways of fighting global warming and climate change?

I think that people should know more about global warming and other problems in the nature. Then, I think that people would not throw away garbage like now. Another thing I suggest is to make people pay if they threw garbage away. I know that people don't want to use their money on those kinds of things, so I think it will make people recycle their garbage.

自然な表現

I think that people should know more about global warming and other problems in nature. Then, I think that people would not throw away garbage like now. Another thing I suggest is to make people pay if they throw garbage away. I know that people don't want to use their money on those kinds of things, so I think it will make people recycle their garbage.

1. It appears that the article usage is incorrect. Uncountable nouns do not take an article. This is also true for uncountable nouns that refer in a generic way to a whole group, class, or idea.
2. The simple present is a verb tense with two main uses. We use the simple present tense when an action is happening right now, or when it happens regularly (or unceasingly, which is why it’s sometimes called present indefinite). Depending on the person, the simple present tense is formed by using the root form or by adding ‑s or ‑es to the end.
You have smart suggestions. Does the government exert more effort to protect the environment? Plastic pollution is also a serious environmental issue. Study says, 30years from now, there will be more plastic than fish in the sea.

Oh yes, I know that there is a study like that. Though, I think that the plastic isn't going to increase, but the fish is going to die more than that. This is because fish and other marine animals get stuck on plastic and die. So, I've heard that in 50 years, fish will be gone from this world, and I think this problem is getting really serious.

自然な表現

Oh yes, I know that there is a study like that. Though I think that plastic isn't going to increase, the fish is going to die more than that. This is because fish and other marine animals get stuck on plastic and die. I've heard that in 50 years, fish will be gone from this world, and I think this problem is getting really serious.

1. It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction. A subordinating conjunction is a word that introduces a dependent clause and connects it to an independent clause. A subordinating conjunction should not be followed by a comma.
2. It appears that the article usage is incorrect. Uncountable nouns do not take an article. This is also true for uncountable nouns that refer in a generic way to a whole group, class, or idea.
3. The word 'but' is not necessary in this context.
4. In English, it is not a good idea to start a sentence with a coordinating conjunction.
  • preposition (前置詞)
  • grammar(文法)
  • proofreading(校正、訂正)
  • touch up (修正)
  • expression (表現)
  • Please tell me what I should pay close attention to when I write an essay (エッセイを書くとき、私は何に気を付けて書けばいいでしょうか)
  • What will be more natural expression for the sentence number one?(最初の文をより自然な表現で書くとどのようになりますか?)
  • Would you tell me what thesaurus I should use for 〜(どのような言い回し表現を〜に使えばいいですか?)
  • I would like you to especially check that 〜(〜を特にチェックしてもらいたい)
  • What would be the best expression to use for this occasion?(この場合はどの表現を使うのがベストですか?)

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