英語エッセイを添削してもらおう

Let's write an essay
<使い方> 1返信目:100単語までのショートエッセイまたは、エッセイの一部の段落を送信します。 2~5返信目:講師から内容に関してのコメントや質問が届くので、続けて講師と会話しましょう。 ※文章の転記による受講は著作権違反となる恐れがあり、利用規約で禁止しております。
会話だけでなく、ショートエッセイの練習も行いたい生徒様におすすめのレッスンです。 内容に関する議論を合わせて行うことで、エッセイに必要な表現力や語彙力の向上が期待できます。
Please write your original essay.
 
このレッスンを始める
Writingレッスンの例
Best Teacherで実際に行われている直近のWritingレッスンです。
作成したスクリプトは講師により添削されます。
Please write your original essay.

Nowadays the development of technology has made it easy for children to play video games. This has had both positive and nagative effects for children.
A downside of gaming is the potential harm to children's health. Sitting too much while gaming causes children to lack exercise.They might also suffer from lack of sleep when they game too long.
On the other hand, children can benefit in various way by selecting games with clear purpose. For instance,many games are designed for educatioin.
In conclusion, playing video games is double-edged sword for children. We should understand both side of effects.

自然な表現

Nowadays, the development of technology has made it easy for children to play video games. This has had both positive and negative effects on children.

A downside of gaming is the potential harm to children's health. Sitting too much while gaming causes children to lack exercise. They might also suffer from lack of sleep when they game too long.

On the other hand, children can benefit in various ways by selecting games with a clear purpose. For instance, many games are designed for education.

In conclusion, playing video games is a double-edged sword for children. We should understand both sides of the effects. 

1. Added comma after "Nowadays"
  The word "Nowadays" functions as an introductory adverb at the beginning of the sentence. According to standard English punctuation rules, such introductory elements should be followed by a comma to separate them from the main clause and to signal a pause for better readability.

2. "nagative" → "negative"
  This corrects a spelling error. "Nagative" is not a word in English; the correct spelling is "negative." Proper spelling is essential for clarity and professionalism in written communication, especially in formal contexts such as academic writing.

3. "effects for" → "effects on"
  The preposition "for" is incorrect when describing effects experienced by a group. The proper preposition to use with "effects" in this context is "on," which correctly indicates that children are the recipients of these effects, following standard English collocational patterns.

4. Added space after "exercise."
  There was no space between the period after "exercise" and the beginning of the next sentence. Standard English formatting requires a space after punctuation marks that end sentences. This correction follows basic typographical conventions for proper sentence spacing.

5. "way" → "ways"
  "Various" is a plural adjective that requires a plural noun. "Way" is singular, creating an agreement error. The correct form "ways" maintains proper agreement between the adjective and noun, following standard English grammatical rules for number agreement.

6. Added "a" before "clear purpose"
  The indefinite article "a" is required before the singular countable noun phrase "clear purpose." The absence of an article is grammatically incorrect in this context. Adding "a" follows standard English article usage for introducing singular countable nouns.

7. Added comma after "instance"
  Add a space after the comma.

8. "educatioin" → "education"
  This corrects a spelling error. "Educatioin" is not a word in English; the correct spelling is "education." Proper spelling is crucial for clarity and credibility in written communication, especially when discussing educational topics.

9. Added "a" before "double-edged sword"
  The indefinite article "a" is required before the singular countable noun phrase "double-edged sword." Idiomatic expressions like this still follow standard article usage rules. The omission of the article creates an ungrammatical sentence in standard English.

10. "side" → "sides"
  "Both" is a determiner that requires a plural noun. "Side" is singular, creating an agreement error. The plural form "sides" correctly maintains agreement with "both," following standard English grammatical rules for number agreement between determiners and nouns.

11. Added "the" before "effects"
  The definite article "the" is needed here because the writer is referring back to specific effects already mentioned (positive and negative). This creates cohesion by properly signaling that these are the same effects discussed throughout the essay, not new ones.
 Indeed, technology has significantly changed how children engage with entertainment. How can parents help manage their children's gaming habits?

Yes, children sometimes lose themselves in playing games.
To deal with that, I propose that parents take different approaches from two perspectives. One approach is limiting the playtime of the game. Children don't have self-control yet, so parents should discipline them.
The other approach is encouraging children to manage their absorption of gaming.
If parents only set a limited time for gaming, children can't get self-control.
Parents should help them by, for instance, asking them what purpose they play games with, showing them their screen time, and letting them make their own rules for gaming.

自然な表現

Yes, children sometimes lose themselves in playing games.

To deal with that, I propose that parents take different approaches from two perspectives. One approach is limiting the playtime of games. Children don't have self-control yet, so parents should discipline them.

The other approach is encouraging children to manage their gaming habits.

If parents only set a limited time for gaming, children won't develop self-control.

Parents should help them by, for instance, asking them why they play games  , showing them their screen time, and letting them make their own rules for gaming. 

1. "the game" → "games"
  The singular "the game" is too specific and implies a particular game, which contradicts the general context of the discussion about gaming habits. "Games" correctly uses the plural form to refer to video games in general, which aligns with the broader topic of children's gaming activities.

2. "absorption of gaming" → "gaming habits"
  The phrase "absorption of gaming" is awkward and unnatural in English. "Gaming habits" is more precise and commonly used when discussing patterns of behavior related to playing video games. This correction uses standard terminology for discussing behavioral patterns.

3. "can't get" → "won't develop"
  "Can't get" is imprecise and colloquial. The phrase "won't develop" more accurately conveys the educational concept that children need opportunities to build their self-regulation skills over time. This correction uses more precise language that better expresses the developmental nature of self-control.

4. "what purpose they play games with" → "why they play games"
  The original construction "what purpose they play games with" is grammatically awkward and unnatural. The question word "why" followed directly by the subject and verb creates a more natural and grammatically correct interrogative construction that clearly asks about motivation.

5. Removed "with" after "games"
  The preposition "with" after "play games" is grammatically incorrect in English. The proper construction is simply "play games" without any additional preposition. This removal corrects an ungrammatical prepositional usage that doesn't follow standard patterns.
That makes a lot of sense. Using apps to track screen time can help families stay on top of gaming habits. What are some potential consequences of excessive gaming for children?

I agree that using apps can be a great way to monitor screen time.
As for the negative effects, in addition to lack of sleep and exercise, excessive gaming can reduce the amount of time children spend communicating with thier family. As you know, time is limited. If children keep staying in thier room, their family have fewer opportunities to talk and connect with them.

自然な表現

I agree that using apps can be a great way to monitor screen time.

As for the negative effects, in addition to lack of sleep and exercise, excessive gaming can reduce the amount of time children spend communicating with their family. As you know, time is limited. If children keep staying in their rooms, their families have fewer opportunities to talk and connect with them. 

1. "thier" → "their"
  This corrects a spelling error. "Thier" is an incorrect spelling of the possessive pronoun. The correct spelling is "their" which properly indicates possession or association with the children. Accurate spelling is essential for clarity and professionalism in written communication.

2. "thier" → "their"
  This corrects the same spelling error that appears again in the text. "Thier" is consistently misspelled and needs to be corrected to "their" in all instances. Consistent correct spelling throughout a text maintains professionalism and prevents distraction from the message.

3. "room" was changed to "rooms". Since we're talking about children in general, it's more appropriate to use the plural form as different children would have different rooms.

4. "family" → "families"
  The singular "family" doesn't agree with the plural subject "children" in this sentence. Since we're talking about multiple children, each with their own family, the plural "families" is required for logical and grammatical consistency, following standard subject-verb agreement rules.
I agree, excessive gaming can create distance between family members. Balancing gaming with family activities can enhance relationships. What do you think? What activities do you think can divert the kids' attention?

I think playing video games with their family can strengthen relationships.
When families engage in gaming together, it becomes a shared experience that encourages communication.
I suggest that cooperative games or party games like Mario Kart or Wii sports can effect positively on their relationships.

自然な表現

I think playing video games with family members can strengthen relationships.

When families engage in gaming together, it becomes a shared experience that encourages communication.

I suggest that cooperative games or party games like Mario Kart or Wii Sports can have a positive effect on family relationships. 

1. "their family" → "family members"
  The possessive "their" creates ambiguity about whose family is being referenced, as it could refer to either the kids or someone else. "Family members" is more precise and clearly indicates the people involved in the gaming activity without potentially confusing pronoun references.

2. "sports" → "Sports"
  "Wii Sports" is a proper noun referring to a specific video game title, so both words should be capitalized following standard capitalization rules for product names. This correction follows proper noun capitalization conventions for branded entertainment products.

3. "effect positively" → "have a positive effect"
  The original phrase incorrectly uses "effect" as a verb and places the adverb awkwardly. "Effect" is primarily a noun, while "affect" is the verb. The correction "have a positive effect" uses the proper noun form of "effect" with the appropriate verb "have," creating a grammatically correct expression.

4. "their" → "family"
  Similar to the first correction, the possessive pronoun "their" creates ambiguity about whose relationships are being discussed. "Family" directly identifies the type of relationships being strengthened, providing clarity and precision without relying on pronouns that might have unclear antecedents.
That’s a great suggestion. Turning gaming into a shared activity sounds like a fun way to bond. Have you ever played video games with your family or friends before?

I used to play video games with my friends when I was an elementary school student.
My parents didn't allow me to play video games, so I would secretly play them at my friends' house. It was such a fun memory!

自然な表現

I used to play video games with my friends when I was in elementary school  .

My parents didn't allow me to play video games, so I would secretly play them at my friends' houses. It was such a fun memory! 

1. "an elementary school student" → "in elementary school"
  The phrase "an elementary school student" is grammatically correct but somewhat awkward in this context. "In elementary school" is more natural and concise when referring to this period of one's education. This follows standard English expressions for describing the time period when someone attended a particular level of school.

2. Removed "student" after "elementary school"
  The word "student" is redundant when using the phrase "in elementary school" as it's understood that someone in elementary school is a student. Removing it creates a more concise and natural expression following standard English conversational patterns.

3. "house" → "houses"
  The singular "house" implies the speaker only had one friend whose house they visited to play video games. The context suggests multiple friends were involved, so the plural "houses" more accurately reflects visiting multiple friends' homes. This correction maintains logical consistency with the mention of "friends" (plural) earlier in the sentence.
  • expression (表現)
  • touch up (修正)
  • proofreading(校正、訂正)
  • grammar(文法)
  • preposition (前置詞)
  • What would be the best expression to use for this occasion?(このような場合、どのような表現が最適でしょうか?)
  • I would like you to especially check that document that I have attached.(特に、添付した資料を確認していただきたい。)
  • Would you tell me what thesaurus I should use for 〜 Would you tell me what phrases I could use at my work to sound more professional when speaking to clients?(仕事で、顧客とよりプロフェッショナルに話すようにするため、どのような言い回し表現を使えば良いでしょうか。)
  • What would be a more natural expression for sentence number one?(最初の文をより自然な表現で書くとどのようになりますか?)
  • Please tell me what I should pay close attention to when I write an essay.(小論文を書くときに注意すべきことを教えてください。)

こんな方にオススメ

  • 日常
  • 上級
  • 自由トピック