志望企業に前職での実績をアピールしよう

Talking about your track record at a job interview

外資企業の面接を受けています。前職での実績をアピールするところです。

あなたの業績をリストアップしてこの質問に臨みましょう。ひとつひとつ詳しく述べるのではなく、いくつかに絞って自分の技術や能力を生かすにはどのようにしたかを実例説明しましょう。

Please tell me about your track record in this business.

このレッスンを始める

Writingレッスンの例

Best Teacherで実際に行われている直近のWritingレッスンです。
作成したスクリプトは講師により添削されます。

Please tell me about your track record in this business.

I would like to introduce my achievement in my company. Firstly I improved NPS score from 37 to 84 in an employee satisfaction survey that was conducted in july of 2020.It was a half year passed since my joining the company.

自然な表現

I would like to introduce my achievements in my company. Firstly, I improved the NPS score from 37 to 84 in an employee satisfaction survey that was conducted in July of 2020. Half a year had passed since I joined the company.

1. Since you are referring to multiple achievements, the noun becomes plural.
2. A comma is needed after an introductory clause.
3. Since this is a specific score, the definite article is used.
4. The first letter is capitalised since this is a proper noun.
5. This is a better way to phrase this part.
6. Better phrasing for this part.

Oh, that's impressive. What's the highest score? Anyway, could you tell me first about your career journey?

Unfortunately, company had stopped to conduct the survey due to the HQ's direction. So we cannot pursue the improvement, but if the survey has been continued as is, I'm confident to get higher score than 84 out of full score 100.
I started my career as a banker after my graduation. I had worked in a largest commercial bank in Japan. However, I had a question to deal financial resource as main service and strong interest in a field of human resources. I chose a HR consulting company as my next job.

自然な表現

Unfortunately, the company stopped conducting the survey due to the HQ's direction, so we cannot pursue an improvement. However, if the survey had been continued as is, I'm confident that we could have gotten a higher score out of 100.
I started my career as a banker after my graduation. I worked in the largest commercial bank in Japan. However, I have always had a strong interest in dealing with financial and human resources. I chose an HR consulting company as my next job.

1. Since this is a specific company, the definite article is used.
2 & 10. Removed this verb to keep the phrase in the simple past tense since this is a completed past action.
3. Since this is a continuous action, the verb is expressed as its present participle.
4. Replaces the full stop with a comma to join the sentences as they are linked.
5. Since you are not referring to a particular improvement, an indefinite article is used.
6. Replaced the comma with a full stop to end the sentence here.
7. To avoid starting the sentence with the conjunction "but", this word is used instead.
8. Since you are talking about a time in the past, the verb is expressed in the past tense.
9. This is a better way to phrase this part.
11. The definite article is used with a superlative adjective.
12. This is a better way to phrase this part.
13. The article "an" is used for this acronym.

Alright, how did the change in department work? Did you find it more challenging? Where did you work after this?

All of new environment and jobs were exciting for me. In my 2nd company, I experienced two jobs, one was a recruiter for my company and the other was sales and consultant for clients. As for recruiter, it was so challenging for me because the recruitment activity was crucial for the company due to offering recruitment consulting service to clients. The failure was no option. I experienced a people management in the recruitment team for the first time.

自然な表現

All of the new environments and jobs were exciting for me. In my second company, I experienced two jobs. One was a recruiter for my company, and the other was a sales consultant for clients. Being a recruiter was so challenging for me because the recruitment activity was crucial for the company due to offering recruitment consulting services to clients. Failure was not an option. I experienced people management in the recruitment team for the first time.

1. Since you are referring to specific environments, the definite article is used.
2. Since you are talking about multiple environments, the noun becomes plural.
3. It is best to write this as a word in this context.
4. Replaced the comma with a full stop to end the sentence here.
5. A comma is needed to separate the clauses.
6 & 12. An indefinite article is needed with a singular non-specific noun.
7. Removed the unnecessary conjunction.
8. This is a better way to phrase this part.
9. Since you are referring to multiple services, the noun becomes plural.
10 & 13. Removed the unnecessary article.
11. This is the correct word to use for this phrase.

I see. Thank you for your honest answer. What would you say that you learned from your job experience? What was the most valuable lesson you learned?

The experience of people management was as a team leader. Before the experience I have never thought of motivation of members. I thought all member should have high motivation and commitment to the job like me. However, I found out I was unique in that sense and most of others are different. Because of the gap, I had harsh conflict with members and got depression. After overcome the situation, I could be able to be thoughtful leader, according to my manager.

自然な表現

My experience in people management was as a team leader. Before the experience, I had never thought of the motivation of members. I thought all members should have high motivation and commitment to the job like me. However, I found out I was unique in that sense, and others are different. Because of the gap, I had harsh conflicts with members and got depressed. After overcoming the situation, I became a thoughtful leader, according to my manager.

1. This possessive pronoun is a better word to indicate that it is your experience.
2. This is the correct preposition to use with "experience".
3. A comma is needed after an introductory clause.
4. Since you are talking about a time in the past, the verb is expressed in the past tense.
5. The definite article is used since this is specific motivation.
6 & 9. Since you are referring to multiple members and conflicts, the nouns become plural.
7. A comma is needed to separate the clauses.
8. Removed these words as they are unnecessary.
10. It is best to express this word as an adjective in this context.
11. It is best to express the verb as its present participle in this context.
12. This is a better verb to mean you developed to be a thoughtful leader.
13. An indefinite article is needed with a singular non-specific noun.

That is an amazing story of self-improvement. Please, tell me, what methods would you use to motivate your colleagues?

I studied a psychology and tried to understand what their motivation are. I talked with them in person, not together. It was a tips my senior colleague gave me. It helped me a lot.

自然な表現

I studied psychology and tried to understand what their motivations are. I talked with them in person individually, not together. It was a tip my senior colleague gave me. It helped me a lot.

1. Removed the unnecessary article.
2. Since you are referring to multiple motivations, the noun becomes plural.
3. This makes it clear that you talked to each member, one by one.
4. Since this is a single tip, the noun becomes singular.

志望企業に前職での実績をアピールしよう

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