I chose my university from my passion to become the person who contributes to social issues in developing counties such as poverty reduction. There were several universities in Japan that offered a program to study international issues. I felt my university, Ritsumeikan university, fit me the best because I could study wide variety of international issues in Kyoto, which is the center of Japanese traditional culture.
I chose my university from my passion to become a person who contributes to social issues in developing counties; such as poverty reduction. There were several universities in Japan that offered a program to study international issues. I felt my university, Ritsumeikan University, fit me the best because I could study a wide variety of international issues in Kyoto, which is the center of Japanese traditional culture.
Alternatively you could write: 'the type of person' or 'the kind of person' in order to further illustrate your line of thinking.
2. I corrected the lower case 'u' and made it an uppercase 'U'. When referencing a school, which in most sentences would be a pronoun, the full name of the school should be capitalized.
3. Alternative. Here I added the article 'a' to describe the relative size of the topics being studied. You could also say: 'the wide 'variety'. Both would carry the same written meaning, or when spoken in conversation.
The program I enrolled was the global challenge. It was a course in the faculty of international relations that students learn both the basic theory of international relations and their main agendas. Among a lot of classes, I liked the topic of sustainable development because not only it is essential for the better future, but also it is applicable in every activities of our life, such as saving electricity and reducing plastic waste.
The program I enrolled in was the global challenge. It was a course in the faculty of international relations that students learn both the basic theory of international relations and their main agendas. Among lots of classes, I liked the topic of sustainable development because not only is it essential for the better future, but also it is applicable in every activity of our lives, such as saving electricity and reducing plastic waste.
2. Alternative. Here, this can be said in many ways. 'In lots of my classes', 'In many of my classes', 'In all of my classes', 'In my classes', 'In most of my classes'- All of these are viable alternatives and can be interchanged. It will still be understood and keep the same meaning.
3. Correction- Here, the article was written before the verb, which sounds like the formation of a new sentence. Since it is not the start of a new sentence, it should be switched to the verb 'is', written before the article 'it'. This is the correct formatting when providing information to a would-be question.
4. Correction- I changed the word 'activities' to its singular form 'activity'. This is because the word 'every' denotes that there is more than one activity in the lives of humans. Writing it in this structure prevents a similar plurality in the same sentence.
5. I corrected 'life' to 'lives'; because you mention the noun 'ours', which is a plural word. Plural means, more than one. So since many people cannot share the same life, and we each have our own lives, the word life must be switched to its plural form, which is 'lives'.
Actually, I scored only 2.5 in overall GPA for my bachelor's degree because I also pursued my dream to own a bar with my friend and skipped several essential classes which didn't seem interesting but actually required to get higher score. However, I recovered my GPA to be 3.5 point for my master's degree because I changed my mind and found out my passion to be a professional in the field of the international relations.
Actually, I scored only a 2.5 in overall GPA for my bachelor's degree because I also pursued my dream to own a bar with my friend. I skipped several essential classes which didn't seem interesting, but actually required me to get a higher score. However, I recovered my GPA to a 3.5 point for my master's degree because I changed my mind and found out my passion; to be a professional in the field of the international relations.
2. I corrected this run-on sentence by adding a period to end it, before starting a new sentence. This is for a clearer organization of thought. Easier readability, and easier to understand.
3. I changed the 'and' to an 'I' because I ended the run-on sentence and started a new sentence, to show a continuation in the train of thought and expression.
4. Correction. I added a comma here to show a pause in speaking, while thought is being continued in the same sentence. Whenever you see a comma (,) when reading English, it is a sign to take a slight pause in reading or speaking.
5. I added the word 'me' for this correction because the writer is speaking about their class, and their grade. When you are talking about yourself that is called speaking in the first person. This means you are telling your own story about yourself, from your own point of view.
6. I corrected this by adding the article 'a' in reference to your GPA again, because the article, in this case, measures the range of possibility of how high a GPA can be, which is a 4.0.
7. GPA means grade point average. Since it is a statistic, it must be accompanied by an article, in this case I added the correction 'a'. GPA comes in a document form or a report card, which makes it an article, a tangible, real item, so it must be referred to with an article. (My GPA, a GPA of, etc)
8. In the last correction here I added a semicolon (;) to show a pause and continuation in thought. Alternatively, it could become the start of a new sentence, but it doesn't have to be.
While deepening my study at the graduate school, I also participated in a school of Japanese traditional dance to explore Japanese culture. I thought that having an organic experience about traditional culture provides me with profound knowledge of my country. It was really exciting for me to perform my dance at a small theater with my team mates. I felt a great deal of fulfillment when I got warm applause from the audience including my university friends
While deepening my study at the graduate school, I also participated in a school of Japanese traditional dance to explore Japanese culture. I thought that having an organic experience about traditional culture would provide me with profound knowledge of my country. It was really exciting for me to perform my dance at a small theater with my teammates. I felt a great deal of fulfillment when I got warm applause from the audience, which included my university friends
2. This I corrected by making teammates one word; because if you look up the word teammates in the dictionary, it is listed as one word.
Alternatively, you could say just say 'team', because it is implied that a team is a group of people consisting of many members. Both words have the same meaning, and either would be ok here.
3. I added this comma as a correction before the continuation of thought, because, alternatively, you could end the sentence here with a period, but there is more information the writer wants to include.
4. I corrected this one way, but there are alternatives. Since the audience includes your friends, it is implied but the correct article must be used.
As an alternative, you could say 'audience, and my university friends'. Since this is an event that happened in the past, I used the past tense of include which is 'included'. 'Including' is wrong here; because it suggests that a singular event that happened already is happening currently, and that is not possible
- It was centrally located between my parents' home and my apartment.（私の両親の家と私のアパートの中間地点にありました。）
- To be honest, the reason was mainly financial since my parents could not afford to send me to my school of choice.（正直なところ、理由は主に経済的なもので、両親は私を希望の学校に行かせる余裕がありませんでした。）
- It ranks among the top 5 in Japan and is well known for its research in my area of study.（日本では5本の指に入るほどで、私の研究分野では有名な研究機関です。）
- My father and grandfather attended that university, so it was inevitable that I would continue the family tradition.（私の父と祖父がこの大学に通っていたので、私が家系を継ぐことは必然でした。）
- It has a very good international exchange program.（とても良い国際交流プログラムがあります。）
- It was very difficult for me to turn down numerous internship opportunities at large companies.（大企業の数多くのインターンシップを断るのはとても難しかったです。）
- I was offered a full athletic scholarship.（スポーツ奨学金を受けました。）
- It is one of the few universities in Japan to offer training in my very specialized area.（私のような非常に専門的な分野のトレーニングを提供する、日本では数少ない大学の一つです。）
- Although it was quite expensive, the university sold me on its job placement program.（とても高い金額でしたが、大学側からその仕事のプレースメントプログラムに参加させていただきました。）
- I wanted the opportunity to study at an international university since I was interested in learning more about other cultures and languages.（私は、他の文化や言語を学ぶことに興味があったので、国際的な大学で学ぶ機会を望んでいました。）